Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Change. . .

I've been wanting to write this post for a long time, but I've never actually sat down and done it. . .so here goes! Also, I'm not sure what happened to the font. I've tried to change it, but it won;t let me. Grr! Sorry about that!

Change.
I think that generally, people don't like change. But I really, really don't like change. I am the kind of person who wants to have a plan, wants to know what's happening next and doesn't like surprises. But about 18 months ago, my whole world changed.
For those of you who have been following the blog for a while, you know that in 2013 my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Up until then, we had a pretty normal life. When I was 13 and then 14, everything seems to be in control. We had the same routines day after day and everything was the same. But then, a month after I turned 15, my whole world changed. Suddenly my dad had cancer. Suddenly everything wasn't carefully planned out, something I couldn't control had happened. For the next 18 months it felt as if we lived in a whirlwind. Nothing was certain, nothing was "normal". But in time, we established a new normal. Things seemed to get back to how they were before he got cancer.
But they weren't.
As I looked back, I realized that things had permanently changed. And I didn't like it. Some of my friends (who were older then me) had finished high-school and gone off to college and now one of them is engaged and another dating. As I looked back, I realized I didn't want to go forward. I didn't want to move toward an uncertain future. I wanted to go back. Back to where I had felt comfortable and safe. Back to where nothing ever seemed to change.

But I can't
Life happens, time changes things. It really put James 4:14 in a different light. Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what isyour life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.
Life is a vapor, it is here and then gone. Things are constantly changing. people are changing. But there is one person who will never change. When everything it uncertain, He is always certain. When everything is changing, He is the same. I had made castles in the sand of what I wanted, and I had been content with them. . .until the tide came in. Until everything changed. Then suddenly I was surrounded by waters of change. Nothing was certain, there was nothing I could hold onto. Except the rock. The rock that had stayed that same through many storms. The rock that was unchanging, always there, always the same.
 Jesus is that rock. Through all the storms of life, He is the same. I needed to let go.Let go of what I wanted, let go of everything I thought was important. I had to let go of the "rope" that I had been clinging to as I tried to stop the inevitable change that life brings. The "rope" that contained my plans, my hopes, my dreams. I had to let go. And as I let go, I had to put my hand in the hand of my Savior's and trust that his plans for me are better than anything I could have dreamed of. Life with Jesus is always an adventure! I put my hand in his, and follow whereHe leads. No turning back, no turning back. 
Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.




16 comments:

  1. I know the feeling, Jesseca, of wanting to go back to those "safe, secure and care-free" days. I've felt the same sense of almost panic as I watch so many of my friends get married, move away or change in ways I never thought would happen while I seemed powerless to do anything. But our Rock is unchanging and I know for a fact that clinging to Christ in all these crazy seasons of life is the only thing that never changes.

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  2. Great post! There are often times when I wish I could go back too but you're absolutely right. God is in complete control. He has a reason and a plan for everything we go through.

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    1. Yes, He always has a reason that is best for us! Thanks for commenting :)

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  3. Wow, Jesseca. I was very touched to read this. You're right, no one likes change. But it happens. Things happen in life that have no explanation, no reason, or at least, it seems that way. Our family has gone through so much in the last couple of years, and it is hard. What you've gone through has changed you permanently, but it's also matured you and grown you closer to God. Trials have a way of bringing us closer to our Savior.
    Thank you for this inspiration today. It was really good to read this. Very touching. Your words and sharing mean a lot to us!

    Love,

    Emily

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    1. You're welcome. I'm glad you were encouraged by it! Yes, so much has changed for the good. I need to focus on that!

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  4. Cancer permanently changes your family-I dealt with it twice in immediate family-when I was eight and when I was thirteen, plus several between and after(not me, but you don't have to have cancer to be changed). But I have learned so much. God has given me SO much from those experiences. There are horrible scars, but there are the times that God lifts me up and holds me in a way that is inexpressible. Yes, living with the effects are no fun. When every little pain could be...when memories flood of "back before"...when you look at photos and wonder "were they sick then", "little did we know", "how big was the tumour"...when your life becomes dated around tragedy, there are also incredible blessings. I pray that you and your family have experienced those to the fullest. God is so great. He answered our prayers in totally different ways than we could have imagined-but I know that He did what is best.
    Just keep loving your dad! Cancer survivors are amazing!
    Love in Jesus,
    Indi Raine

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    1. You understand! Once cancer has come into your life you're never the same. The memories, the fear that every little thing could be the cancer returning etc. Yes, the survivors are amazing!! Thank you so much for commenting!!

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  5. Thanks for this post Jesseca. I've had troubles when dealing with change too, and the constant reminder that God has, is, and always will be in control is just what I needed. :)

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    1. Your welcome :) I'm glad it was an encouragement! Praise God!

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  6. Oh yes I like plans and HATE surprises!!!!!! Like even our church retreat youth thing bugged me so much not knowing WHAT the next thing was that we were doing. This was a great post!

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  7. I really appreciated this post Jesseca! I am one of those who doesn't (usually) like change and often wishes I could just go back to about eight years old when everything was "normal". I love how you pointed out that even though everything in our lives my be turned topsy-turvy Jesus is still the same. What a wonderful sense of security!

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    1. Yes! I often wonder how people can live without that sense of security. I'm so thankful that I can be certain that he has my future in his hands!!

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  8. Change is so hard. I find myself like you but my sister doesn't mind change. I feel like I want a pattern, a schedule, a normal. Sometimes that is really hard especially since my Dad is the pastor. At a moment's notice we could have someone coming over who needs to talk or we could be going somewhere. I'm lucky to have a day or two's notice before an event or such. (That's a tiny bit of an exaggeration but it is true sometimes. And then sometimes we truly find out like an hour before that person is coming over!)
    Cancer is hard, my Grandma and Grandpa have both battled it. I have/am watching people in my community die from it. It's scary. Just recently my Dad did a 40 something year old man's funeral who died from cancer and had gone to our church.
    I'll be praying for you and your family.
    Btw, how is your dad doing?

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  9. Thank you for sharing. Will be praying for your dad, Jessica! BTW, what part of Kansas do you live in? We live here also!! =)

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    1. Thank you for your prayers (and for commenting)! I live around the Wichita area. :)

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