Let Him hold you

Okay, I know. What kind of a blog post title is that? Well, hopefully by the time you finish reading the post it will all make sense.
I was planning to do a January-in-Review post, and I still will, but this is just something that's been on my heart lately so I thought I'd share it.

January was a difficult month for our family. Dad has been on three antibiotics since Christmas, he has had multiple Dr. visits, and Mom has not been doing too well. Her MS has been acting up, so her vision has been blurred and a lot of the time she feels dizzy. And, in the middle of it all, almost everyone came down with a nasty cold. There were days when Faith, dad and I were the only ones who were up and around.

So, yeah. It's definitely not been one of the better months for our family. There were times this past month where I just wanted to go and hide from everything that was going on. Yes, I know it wouldn't have changed anything, but sometimes hiding can just sound so comforting. A way to get away from everything, even if it's only for a moment or two.
Unfortunately, that's not really possible. Even when you do get away, the thoughts and worries are still there.
There's one song that has been a huge blessing to me this month; "Just be Held" by Casting Crowns.

I tend to try and control the circumstances around me. And even if things don't go as planned, then at least I'll try to stay the same. Not appear affected by what's happening, taking everything in stride. Well, I try. The truth is, I try to ignore it. I look at the facts, see what needs done, and try my best to do it. If I give myself a moment to think, then all the questions I've pushed aside threaten to overwhelm me.
It's easier to stay busy and to not think about it. But even in a house with ten people, there are times when it is quiet, there are times when there is nothing else that needs done.
And that's when all the questions and worries come. That's when I have a choice. I can either do my best to continue in my own strength, which will eventually  fail. Of I can turn everything over to God, and trust that He is holding me and my family in everything we're going through.

Yes, God has a reason. I don't know exactly how it will work out, but it will. In his timing. One of the hardest things for me to do is trust. I have a hard time letting go of things. And when you're in the middle of something that's going on, it is so easy to look at the surroundings. To see the physical side of what's happening and how it effects us.

My favorite line in "Just be Held" is; "When your eyes are on the storm you'll wonder if I love you still, but when your eyes are on the cross you'll know I always have and I always will. And not a tear is wasted, in time you'll understand. I'm painting beauty in the ashes, your life is in my hands".
God is there. Even in the storm, even in the chaos, He is there, and He loves you. He wants what is best for you, and somehow what you're going through is all part of His will. We may not see it. Honestly, I don't really see it yet, but I know that His plan is there, and someday I will see it.
It is hard to trust, but He knows what's best. There is freedom in surrender. Lay down the circumstances you are trying to control and give them to God.
It's not a one-time only thing. You need to keep trusting God through all the trials that come your way. When you see all the pain and confusion, it is easy to wonder if God can possible use any of it for good. He can and He will, just trust. Release your hold, and instead let Him hold you. Jesus loves you. It's a simple truth, but one that can be hard to grasp.

Jesus is there and He will hold you. Let go, and let God.

So. . .yeah. This is just some things that have been on my heart this past week.

 I will have a "proper" January-review post up sometime later this week. :) I hope you all are having a good week!

The Earliest Memories Tag

Okay, I've decided I realllyy need to spend some time and catch up on all the fun tags I've been tagged in these past couple months. 
For this one I was tagged by Bethany from A Great God and Good Cocoa 
Thanks for tagging me, Bethany!

1. What is your earliest memory?
Ummm, I remember when I was almost three and my sister was in the hospital. She was born 3 1/2 months early, so she was there for quite a while. I remember having to dress up in a funny gown, wear a mask, and wash my hands for two minutes before we went in the room. I LOVED being able to go and visit her. :) 

2. What is your earliest memory of a birthday?
 I vaguely remember my fifth birthday. We had quite a few friends from our church over and we eat outside. that's about all I remember. 

3. What is your earliest memory of a food?
I remember eating so much clam chowder I was tired of it. ;) I think I was 4 and we lived in Washington at the time. Some neighbors of our went clamming all the time and they would always bring us back a whole bunch for us; so much that it got to the point we were having clam chowder every night. 

4. What is your earliest memory of a gathering?
 Other they church it would have to be my fifth birthday. :) 

5. What is your earliest memory of family?
When I turned six we moved to Kansas. Soon after that, my aunt and Uncle on my dad's side came down to see us, so we had them as well as our grandparents over to our house. 

6. What is your favorite memory?
 The night I recieved Jesus as my Saviour. :) Other then that? Probably the time last year when my grandma was in the hospital. I had stayed at the hospital to be with Grandpa during the surgery and then we had gone to her room afterwards. Some close friends of ours came to see her and then their mom stayed with Grandma and the dad and 2 boys took Grandpa and I to get dinner. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun! :D

7. What is your earliest memory of a gift?
On my 5th birthday, my aunt got me a glass china tea set. It was sooo pretty!

8. What is your earliest memory of an embarrassment?
I honestly don't remember being embarrassed at all when I was little. I mean, I'm sure there were times when I was, I just can't remember them. There are only 3 events that come to mind of when I was embarrassed, but they are all pretty recent. The earliest was when I was 14. We had gone to a lake for a picnic, and it had iced over. It was pretty shallow in the area where we were, so dad said the ice was thick enough along the edges, and if we stayed right next to the shore it would be fine if we wanted to walk on it. 
We did and it was fine, but then I went and got a stick because I wanted to see how think the ice was further out. I stayed next to the shore and tapped the ice about five feet away. To my horror, the ice broke broke and I careened forward, lost my balance and. . .promptly fell in the water. My sisters both screamed and ran to get Dad. I could swim and the current wasn't too bad, the water was just really cold. My brother helped me back onto the ice (the only one of my siblings who has stayed with me) and everything was fine. . .or so we thought. Well. . .obviously, someone had seen the ice break and called 911. So just think firemen, police, and even someone from the local news pulling up. . .yeah. It was really, really embarrassing. 

  9. What is your earliest memory of when you were scared?
The first time I went to the dentist when I was five. I think I thought he was going to pull my teeth or something and I was terrified.    

10. What is your earliest memory of a camp?  
When I was five or six, our church went on a family camp to Vancouver, B.C. It was sooo beautiful!! I dearly want to go again sometime. 
 
11. How young were you when you received Christ? (optional)
I received Christ as my Lord and Saviour in 2012, when I was fourteen years old. Up until then I had just thought that since I had been raised in a Christian family and gone to church,  God would surely think I was good enough to go to Heaven with my parents. 
A month after I turned fourteen, somethings happened that showed me just how wrong I was and how much I needed a Saviour. Honestly, the peace that Jesus gives when you have given your life into His control is worth so much more then the world has to offer!

And. . .that wraps up the questions!  Thanks, Bethany! I had a lot of fun answering them all. :) 

2015 Year in Review

And so. . .2015 has come to an end and we are finishing yet another year.
Wow.
Seriously, this year seems to have gone by so fast! I want to put on the brakes and just be like "okay, let's slow down a bit". But. . .that's not how time works.
This past year has been one of the fullest that I can remember. There are so many different things that happened, both good and bad.
So. . .I thought I'd do what most normal bloggers are doing and write a year-in-review post. Beware, it will be long! Read on at your own risk! :)
There were many firsts this year, as well as a few lasts. So many amazing things happened that were so special to me. God has given me so many gifts this year that looking back I feel overwhelmed. He has a way of blessing us beyond and above what we can even imagine. Yes, there have been trials along the way, but God has seen us through them all.
So, since this post is going to be loonnggg, I thought I'd separate it into three different sections. Life, Writing, and Goals. :)

Life:

In January of this year my Grandma had her reverse shoulder operation. During the month I spent most of my time either staying with her at the hospital, or helping her once she got home. This was a huge learning experience for me and  really enjoyed it. Not only did  I get to spend time at the hospital and ask the nurses and CNA's questions, I was also blessed to be able to to spend a lot of time getting to know my grandparents better.
We also had our first-ever piano recital in March.(I think  it was March. It may have been the beginning of April.) I had played in church before, but this was the first actual recital  had played in, so it was a lot of fun!
The homeschool conference came after that in April. This is absolutely one of the things I look forward to ever spring! Well, that and the used book sale. :P They are always so much fun! I love being able to see friends I haven't seen for a while, and of course BOOKS!!! :D
In June my parents celebrated their twenty-first wedding anniversary, and I got my drivers permit!
In July I turned seventeen, which was exciting and fun. ;)
In August our family went on a two-week long vacation to the pacific ocean. . .which was so super amazing!! We spent the majority of the time driving up and down the coast in Oregon and Washington and stopping whenever we wanted. Which was awesome. Of course, we also attended my cousins' wedding and I was able to meet an amazing friend who I had been pen -pals with for over a year. :)
Also, in August I self-published my first book. Which was awesome too!! (Don't worry, I'll have a ton to more say about it later on in the writing section. :P )
After August was finished the rest of the year passed in a blur. We were so super busy with school, and then it was October,  and I got to meet another pen pal when her family came through Wichita! Which was so exciting!! Then Thanksgiving was here, then Christmas. And now it's New Years Eve!! Augh! Where has all the time gone?!
Dad has done pretty well this year, our vacation in August proving that. Every test he's had for the past eighteen months have come back clear, and his body was a lot stronger this year. Last year there were several days he was in the doctors because he got sick, and since his body was weak, he needed antibiotics to help fight anything off.
This year, (excepting the problem with his right elbow this past month) he hasn't been in at the Dr. for any reason other then a check-up, which is such a blessing!
And sometime in this crazy year I was able to read seventy or so amazing books. Which was awesome. (I know, I use that word a lot ;) )

Writing:

This year I have (including my short stories) written 152,651 words. Compared to last year, when I wrote around 10,000. So, yeah. my writing may or may not have drastically increased. 

I also self-published my first ever book!!! Which was so awesome! Although it was honestly more of a "test" book to see how everything went, thus it isn't on Amazon or any other major online retailer. But, Lord willing my 2nd book will be out in the next couple months and it will be on amazon. Still a little nervous about putting something I've written out in the world like that. . . ;) 

I also participated in and won NaNo for the first time ever! I heard about NaNo about two weeks before it started, so I didn't have too much time to prepare. I was like "Hey, why not?" Even if I didn't meet my goal, I'd have more written then if I didn't participate in it. 

Not only did I meet my goal, I finished my manuscript, A Question of Honor, at around 65,000 words, which is the longest I've ever written! It is now sitting in my virtual "to-edit-later" bookshelf. Not particularly a project I'm looking forward to editing, but I will get around to it soon! Of all the projects I've worked on, A Question of Honor would have to be my favorite. It is set in one of my absolute favorite places and eras ever--WWII England and France. Of course right now it is a disaster, and a ton of things are going to be changed, taken out, etc. But it was fun to work on. :)

Also, In November we went and attended a WWII battle reenactment.  Perhaps I should have put this under the "life' section, but. . .it was the one event that gave me enough inspiration and ideas to finish NaNo. And NaNo is/was writing. So I put it here. :D

Goals:

I am a person who tends shy away from making a lot of goals at the beginning of a year because I know how much our schedule, and life, can change. And I am a fairly "checklist motivated' kind of person, so If I do have a goal that doesn't get completed, I tend to stress out about it. 

However, I do think it is a good thing to have a few goals. I mean, as Christians one of our goals should be to grow in our knowledge and wisdom of our Savior and His word. And I do believe we should make it a priority to spend time in His word every day.
Thus saying, I did make a few goals this past year. One of them was to read through the entire Bible. In January, I realized that the only way I would be able to complete that goal would be if I read only for the sake of reading. But I wanted to be able to spend time in the sections I was reading and really study them, so I shortened my goal to reading through the New Testament. I was able to complete that goal in September, so I started making my way though the prophets and today I finished the last chapter of Jeremiah. I also read through Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Malachi,
I also made a goal to get my first book out into the world--got that one done! :)
I honestly didn't make to many other goals. I wanted to get caught up on school, which I've managed. (Well, managed in every subject except. . .math.)
I also did a lot of things that I never would have imagined would happen this year!  Such as spending time at the ocean, meeting new friends, seeing family, visiting a WWII research center, visits from friends, etc.
But this year I would like to make some goals. And a few more then I made last year. ;) They're not in any particular order.
1--Graduate! This'll probably happen in the later half of 2016, but I can't wait for it to actually happen! (Having algebra finished will be a HUGE plus. ;) )
2--Publish The Silent Blade. 
3--Finish reading through the prophets and read through the rest of the Old Testament.
4--Look into college more thoroughly and make a decision. *gasp* At the present the task sounds too daunting. ;)
5--Edit. Not very fun, but it needs to be done!  And  actually enjoy the first few edits. But after that it gets tedious.
6--Get my drivers license.
7--Spend more time with my younger siblings



So, there you have it. My year in review as well as some of my goals for the new year. While 2015 has been an AWESOME year and I am sorta sad to be telling it goodbye, I am looking forward to 2016.
I am looking forward to for a number of reasons. Graduating is definitely one of them, the homeschool conference, of course, where I'll get to see friends and meet one of my favorite authors,  as well as being able to vote in the presidential election for the first time ever. And on that note, I think we need to be in prayer more then ever for our country and its leaders. This year there has been a huge decline in our country's moral values, and it saddens me to see it. Our country needs God. When we turn our back on Him, how can we expect Him to continue blessing us? But what would happen if all us Christians who live in American started being the revival we want to see? What if we lived every day as though we were on a mission field? We should, because we are. We are not at home in this world, we are on a mission from God to spread his news to every corner of the earth. He has put us here in this country at this time for a reason. We need to shine all the brighter as the blackness around us grows darker. White on grey is harder to see then white on black, and it's when the situation around us gets black that God's light will be seen.
Okay, I wasn't trying to change the subject. :) It's just something that's really been on my mind.
Anyway, that's pretty much it for this post. I hope you all have had a blessed 2015 and are looking with anticipation to 2016!
God bless you all and your families!
~Jesseca

Praise!

So, dad went in for his appointment this morning and it is not a blood clot! The ultrasound showed that there is an abscess on his elbow, so they are switching antibiotics and giving him a stronger one that will hopefully take care of it. 

Thank you guys so much for all your prayers and sweet comments! They mean a lot. :) 

Update

Hi y'all! I thought I'd post a quick update for you guys. Thank you so, so much for all your prayers! They are so appreciated!
On Saturday night dad was about the same, so we weren't planning on church the next morning. The swelling hadn't gone down and he was still in quite a bit of pain.
Sunday morning he said he was feeling better. He was able to get up and do more then he had since before Christmas. We listened to a message together as a family and just had a really restful day which was such a blessing. Dad seemed to be doing better and we were all very thankful for that.
Then. . .Sunday night, dad's arm started hurting again and the swelling increased. The past few days he had been able to get the pain under control with ice and ibuprofen and/or acetaminophen, but now nothing was helping. He had a fever and chills and he just really wasn't doing well. He SHOULD have gone to the ER (the Dr. said that if he got a fever, he should go) but. . .have I mentioned my dad is stubborn? So mom stayed up with him most of the night; he was hurting so bad he couldn't get comfortable and sleep.
Today he called our family Dr. and made an appointment for this afternoon. He now has an app. scheduled for tomorrow morning to get an ultrasound done on his arm. The Dr. said that since the swelling hasn't gone down, there is the possibility that there may be a blood clot, which is what the ultrasound will find out. If there's not, it is just a really bad infection and he'll need to stay on strong antibiotics. Of the two, the infection would BY FAR be the better diagnosis! So please continue to keep him in your prayers.
Thank you all so much!!
~Jesseca

Prayer Request. . .

Hi all my wonderful blog readers! I hope you are all having an amazing day-after-Christmas Saturday! :)
I would like to ask if you could keep my dad in your prayers. This past week on Wednesday he realized that his right elbow was swelling pretty bad. He had absolutely no idea why. He thought it might be a spider bite, so he decided just to wait and see how it looked the next day.
It seemed to be the same Thursday morning and it had started to hurt pretty bad. He thought about going to see our family doctor but the office was closed because it was Christmas eve. He didn't think it was quite bad enough to go to the ER, so he went to work. By the time he came home Thursday evening and it was hurting so bad he could hardly move it.
But. . .my dad is stubborn and he insisted he was fine so we went to church as we had planned. The service was finished and we were about ready to leave when our family doctor (yes, we attend the same church) walked over and greeted dad. They talked for a little while and dad mentioned that he had almost called to make an appointment to see him because of his arm, but of course the office had been closed.
The doctor asked which arm and took a look at it. He didn't think it was a spider bite, but he thought it might be Bursitis. Either that or it was an infection. He told dad to watch it and if it got any worse to call him and he would call in an antibiotic to one of the 24-hour pharmacies.
Well, we left church and headed to our Grandparents and celebrated Christmas eve with them, and then headed home and went to bed.
Christmas morning dad seemed okay. He had been on ibuprofen around the clock, which the doctor had recommended, and while his elbow was still swollen, it didn't seem to be any worse.
But by late afternoon Christmas day it had gotten worse. It was hurting to the point he had to move it with his left arm and he couldn't even lift it on its own.
Right before we started our Christmas dinner dad called the doctor who called in a prescription for a strong antibiotic.  The doctor told him to take one that night and then at intervals the next day, and if it hadn't gotten any better in twenty-four hours, he should go to the ER.
Well, this morning when dad woke up his elbow was red and hot and even more swollen, if that was possible.  Right now he is resting, but if there hasn't been any marked improvement, mom may take him into the ER tonight. He hasn't been his normal self at all these past few days and we can all tell it's hurting him really bad.
My mom is also really tired and she hasn't gotten the rest she needs for the past few days now. If you could just keep them both in your prayers, we would be so grateful.
Dad has his CT scans and his cancer check-ups this next week, so we would so appreciate your prayers for how all this turns out, since the antibiotic will interfere with some of his tests and of course, he can't go in until this issue with his right elbow is resolved.
Thank you all so, so much for all the times you've held up up in prayer in the past. Even in the darkest times, God sends his light!
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. :)
~Jesseca

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2015!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!! I hope you all are having an amazing time as you gather together with family to celebrate the Savor's birth.
I heard this song on the radio the other day and it's quickly made it's way to the top of my favorite Christmas songs.

Below is a really pretty narration I found of the reason we celebrate Christmas. (a.k.a Luke chapter 2) Merry Christmas to you and your family! And remember that Jesus was born to die. Born to die, so that we could live.